Friday, May 13, 2005
A Confession, Commitment, A Promise, A Prayer
11:31 PM
This is gonna be a pretty long and personal post. I may even need to continue it tomorrow. I have thought about what to say but I haven't written anything out in advance. I am kinda shootin from the hip, or maybe writing from the heart would be a better way to put it. I hope that it will all make sense and not just be a jumbled mess. I am trying to keep it all together but it is emotional and I am on a couple meds. Now that the warning is out of the way let me get the show on the road.
Hi, my name is Garrett and I have a weight problem. If you have met me before it should have been apparent to you while I was still across the room. If not you are blind or larger than I am. I did have surgery today and I knew going into it that there were a couple routes the doctor was going to take. Either he would take out the old screws, get a good hold with the new ones and replace my ACL, or he would give me a bone graft to create new holds for a future ACL replacement. He did neither. My doctor had no idea exactly how torn up my knee was until he was in there(See the post above for more info). I haven't spoken with him. I was told I had a conversation with him about what he did and about my post op instructions but as far as I can remember I didn't even see him once today. I have an appointment with him on Tuesday. My wife and mom told me that what he needs to say is that he will not replace my ACL until I lost weight. At least 50 pounds. With my knee and my weight a new ACL just won't cut it. I need to lose weight or I will just end up with the same injury again. This doesn't surprise me and I am not upset with him. I am not even upset at myself. I am a bit disappointed but overall I am really excited.
I am a bit loopy from meds, my knee is starting to throb, and to top it off I had someone tell me that I am too overweight to operate on. Yet I am having one of the best days of my life and looking forward to this year. I have been doing a lot of praying lately. I have a lot of things to talk to God about. I ask for wisdom, patience, and guidance. I ask God to remind me he is near me when I am tempted. Excitingly, I have more things to thank him for than to ask for. I have been at peace today. No, this was not brought on by any sort of drug I have taken either. I have never been so in love with my wife or my daughter than I am today. I have never been so thankful for family or friends. I even got to chat with one of my oldest and dearest friends today.
I want to ask all of you for prayers and I am open to emails, letters, encouragement, or cards in regards to my weight loss. My goal is to lose 50-100 pounds within one year. I would love to be back in the operating room one year from today. I have so much to live for and I don't want to leave any of you before it is my time. Another thing I am thankful for is that all of my vitals and lab tests are normal. Other than my knee and my weight I am healthy. It is encouraging to know that if I get down to a healthy weight I can have a pretty long and healthy life. I will even be able to be rather active once my knee is repaired.
These things aren't easy for me to talk about in person so I am writing it down here. If you ask how my surgery went I will probably just answer "good." I don't know that I will want to go into the details. It isn't easy to tell people that I wasn't able to be operated on because of my weight. Once I start losing I will become more open to it.
I am anxiously looking forward to this year. I have NEVER felt so calm or optimistic about something that could be so daunting. I know that God has been active in my life before, but at this point I feel him with me so often I can almost see him next to me. Once again I want to ask and thank you all for any prayers for my family and I. Please don't be offended if I shy away from the subject in person, but feel free to ask how I am doing, encourage me, and help keep me on track.
Thank you and bless you
-Garrett
P.S.
I will be posting as normal but also using this blog as a journal to help keep me on track as well as keep anyone interested up to date on my progress.
Hi, my name is Garrett and I have a weight problem. If you have met me before it should have been apparent to you while I was still across the room. If not you are blind or larger than I am. I did have surgery today and I knew going into it that there were a couple routes the doctor was going to take. Either he would take out the old screws, get a good hold with the new ones and replace my ACL, or he would give me a bone graft to create new holds for a future ACL replacement. He did neither. My doctor had no idea exactly how torn up my knee was until he was in there(See the post above for more info). I haven't spoken with him. I was told I had a conversation with him about what he did and about my post op instructions but as far as I can remember I didn't even see him once today. I have an appointment with him on Tuesday. My wife and mom told me that what he needs to say is that he will not replace my ACL until I lost weight. At least 50 pounds. With my knee and my weight a new ACL just won't cut it. I need to lose weight or I will just end up with the same injury again. This doesn't surprise me and I am not upset with him. I am not even upset at myself. I am a bit disappointed but overall I am really excited.
I am a bit loopy from meds, my knee is starting to throb, and to top it off I had someone tell me that I am too overweight to operate on. Yet I am having one of the best days of my life and looking forward to this year. I have been doing a lot of praying lately. I have a lot of things to talk to God about. I ask for wisdom, patience, and guidance. I ask God to remind me he is near me when I am tempted. Excitingly, I have more things to thank him for than to ask for. I have been at peace today. No, this was not brought on by any sort of drug I have taken either. I have never been so in love with my wife or my daughter than I am today. I have never been so thankful for family or friends. I even got to chat with one of my oldest and dearest friends today.
I want to ask all of you for prayers and I am open to emails, letters, encouragement, or cards in regards to my weight loss. My goal is to lose 50-100 pounds within one year. I would love to be back in the operating room one year from today. I have so much to live for and I don't want to leave any of you before it is my time. Another thing I am thankful for is that all of my vitals and lab tests are normal. Other than my knee and my weight I am healthy. It is encouraging to know that if I get down to a healthy weight I can have a pretty long and healthy life. I will even be able to be rather active once my knee is repaired.
These things aren't easy for me to talk about in person so I am writing it down here. If you ask how my surgery went I will probably just answer "good." I don't know that I will want to go into the details. It isn't easy to tell people that I wasn't able to be operated on because of my weight. Once I start losing I will become more open to it.
I am anxiously looking forward to this year. I have NEVER felt so calm or optimistic about something that could be so daunting. I know that God has been active in my life before, but at this point I feel him with me so often I can almost see him next to me. Once again I want to ask and thank you all for any prayers for my family and I. Please don't be offended if I shy away from the subject in person, but feel free to ask how I am doing, encourage me, and help keep me on track.
Thank you and bless you
-Garrett
P.S.
I will be posting as normal but also using this blog as a journal to help keep me on track as well as keep anyone interested up to date on my progress.
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1 comments:
garrett-
I'm happy for you regarding your decision! Last year the goal of climbing Mt. Shasta motivated me to kick a nasty habit and lose some weight.. almost 40lbs lighter and haven't touched a cigarette in over a year - feels great. Once the ball got rolling to eat well and exercise often, it has been pretty easy to maintain a much healthier lifestyle. I'm glad to hear that you have a goal and that you are dedicated to achieving it. I'll pray for you, and if you need any other encouragement just holler.
-Darren
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