Average Grod's Average Blog

I just woke up from a nap. Or rather I was 30 minutes into what was shaping up to be a good nap when the phone rang. "May I speak with...uhhhhh..... Guh, Gah, Gay, Garrett.... hmmm...Rrrrrrooodreegooz." Congrats! Hooked on Phonics worked for you lady. I was afraid it was some bill collector so I was a bit apprehensive. We haven't had any call since we both went back to work but yesterday we got one. There was a mix up with a payment and something we thought was being paid wasn't. The situation was remedied within a couple minutes but it was frustrating and made me apprehensive at how this call was starting out. I was hoping it was just a sales person. It was. Too bad for her. I only had 4 hours of sleep last night and here I am semi conscious after just having fallen asleep. Not a recipe for the easiest of sales.

Once I admitted to being Mr. Garrett Rodriguez she shot straight into her spiel, poorly written dialogue bouncing straight from her screen to my ears via her lips. Remember I used to do this sort of thing. The best ones stick to the script as much as necessary but make sure to talk to you like you are a person. Don't read everything verbatim and if you must, don't sound like you are. She wasn't even entertaining but at least I could understand her. Nothing like getting some 5 cent an hour worker from India or some black person from the south. I don't have anything against these people but I don't think the companies employing them for national or international work are wise. I will not buy anything from someone I can't understand. I am better off with the people who call me up speaking Spanish. Anyway she was offering disaster insurance.

I cut in fairly early. "I am not interested."

"Well sir let me tell you.."

I laughed a bit. She kept going. I don't remember what she was saying. I didn't care. I gave her another 2-3 seconds and then "Sorry but I'm just really not interested."

"Sir, disasters happen all the time. Will you be..."

"Actually they don't happen all the time or they wouldn't be called disasters would they?"

This time she laughed. Pretty long too. I had a smile on my face because I knew I had stumped her. She was good. I knew this one wasn't going to give up and she didn't. I was to tired to be playing my best game so I figured I would just call this one good and finish up next time she opened her mouth. She came back at me with something like you are right sir but they happen unexpectedly. At this point I was like"You're right. I'm not interested today. Thanks." She figured it out and hung up.

I don't like telemarketers but I like to play with em when I can.

Back to the insurance. I was laying there thinking do I need it? Someday I will get it. Right now we just can't really afford it.

If something like Katrina happened what wud I do. I would take what I could cary. Mah shotgun, mah boots, and mah two dogs Snot n' Bowser. They're good fightin dogs. Oh ya and mah famly too. If mah house is sunk there ain't nuffin I can do bout it. Do I need someone to pay mah mortage? Not really. I'll won't be back in that dung heap again. You collecters kin take whatever you find if yur willin to go swimming fer it. You can sue me but lucky for me you can't take my family as payment an I like to see ya try and take mah gun, boots, ur dogs.

On the serious side I guess that screws the bank and it would probably mess up my credit but in the case of a real disaster where the house is completely lost I'm not going to worry too much about paying my mortage. One of the things I won't be walking out of the house with is my file with all the bills in it. Where is the mailman going to deliver the bill to anyway?
Now if my house isn't completly destroyed what would I do. I would go to work, get paid, and pay my bills. I work at a hospital and I have been informed that in case of a disaster not only would I be required to work but I am required to stay until they release me. That should bring in some good money. What if my hospital is destroyed in the disaster? Oddly enough my hospital has two campuses and if one was destroyed I am sure there would be more than enough work at the other for me. If they both happened to disapear I am sure that whatever disaster occured would probably be taking my house with it which puts me back at my earlier situation.

There are probably some faults in my logic but I'm still a bit tired and I think this will hold up over the phone. It's more fun than just saying "Not interested" and I am hoping it will get better results. Next time the insurance lady calls I am gonna explain the situation to her in detail. In fact I am going to print this out so I can just read it to her word for word. If I forget this and she starts reading to me I will grab the closest piece of literature and read back. Right now it would be a toss up between a Sudacare Vapor Plug Box and a letter from my car insurance company.I bet she would enjoy hearing either of them. I may even delete some words and I am definetly leaving in the mispeled words so I will stumble around. If she happens to wake me up again I will even break out a crappy accent. Lets see how she likes it!