Average Grod's Average Blog

The other day I got myself some bologna. I love the stuff. I am sure it is bad for me and I never buy it. I even got this bologna for free. It makes some darn good sandwiches. Easy ones too. Just mayonnaise, mustard, cheese, and bologna. No need to try and elevate the stature of a bologna sandwich so just leave out the lettuce, tomatoes or any other attempt at healthy. Remember that anything multiplied by zero is always zero. No need for real cheese either. I had Tillamook Cheddar but I made a special trip to the store just to pick up a pack of prepackaged plastic cheese. You know the kind I mean. Nothing looks better surrounding a slice of this delicate mystery meat than two slices of uniformly cut flimsy American Cheese.

Bologna tries so hard not to get left behind at the kid table of the meat family with the hot dogs, spams, and other composite meats. Hot Dogs have found a niche as a party food and there are even rumors circulating about some respectable "gourmet" versions. They are easily the closest to graduating to the adult table. Yet hot dogs cannot be served cold much unlike bologna. Fry a slice of bologna up and it becomes an entirely different animal. This is where the versatility of this pink slice of heaven becomes evident. Even Steak, the big daddy of all meats doesn't compliment an egg in a tortilla better. Pig in a blanket? Wrap some ghetto steak around mashed potatoes and you are all set. Bologna tries even harder to differentiate itself from that bastard cousin of the meat family Spam.Where Spam even has a composite name bologna goes so far as to have a fancy spelling which many have likened in trickiness to "hord'ver" but we all know the truth. You can take the trash out of the trailer but you cant take the trailer out of the trash. To prevent anyone from serving this mystery meat as a finger food and making it respectable we have come up with spellings to put bologna back in its place. Boloney. Baloney. Anyway you spell it, anyway you say it, bologna is baloney, is boloney. I won't admit I eat it in public.I won't serve it to guests. I won't buy it in public. But I'll always have a special place for it in my heart. Figuratively and literally; right next to the deposits from this morning's bacon. Mmmmmm.

I got something in the mail this summer from my brother. This is the kid that I used to torture on a regular basis. I know for a fact that he hated me for a good portion of his life so the gesture of spending the money on an envelope and postage not to mention the time and energy of mailing something to me caught me by surprise. We get along well these days but we don't send things via post too often. In fact I never have. I wondered what he could have sent me. It was a book. Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. What the? I like music but I've never been into jazz. There was a handwritten note that said he enjoyed the book and he thought I would like it as well. He also added that my writing reminded him of the way the author wrote. WOW. That's a way to give an amateur blogger a big head! I was so impressed and complimented I put the rest of the mail down and started on the book. I read two chapters in two days but I was in the middle of an 1100 page fantasy book so sooner or later Miller fell by the wayside.

I got back to it this last week. I loved it. I love the honesty that Don writes with. He writes so openly and conversationally that I feel like I know him so I am gonna call him "Don" because in my mind we are on a first name basis. My first thoughts were "Man this guy has been in my head. I have been thinking half of this stuff myself. I should have written this first." I didn't see much similarity between his writing and mine. Sometime I thought of Kerouac which is weird because I don't enjoy his style too much. The more I read the more I would see some similarities. It was hard to tell if it was real or just because the thoughts and experiences were the same.

I was talking to a buddy of mine and I told him about this book. He had just finished it and said he wanted to show me his favorite part. I got excited and said "That's great because I want to show you mine." He said he couldn't remember the page but he remembers the content. It is the excerpt from the play that Don wrote. I was crushed because I hadn't even read that part. He told me that was the most beautiful thing he had ever read and that he was trying to remember it. I tried to read it again but I only got halfway through it this time. I guess it is too sophisticated for me or something.

*sigh* I am no Donald Miller. I write like I talk. That is my gift and my curse. It is easy to read but I will never get more advanced and I probably write at a junior high level. This is probably why I got so many C's on philosophy papers. Don's gift is that he is able to write to his audience. It is obvious that he is also able to write in more than just one style when needed to and that excerpt shows it. That is what makes Blue so great. It really hits the mark while being totally accessible. He isn't preaching at you but rather he is telling you about his life. It is almost like watching a movie. When I read my friends' blogs and stuff they seem so fancy to me. Like they have a college education or something(they do). I was totally flattered to be compared to a real author and I think that he and I would get along great at a coffee shop or bar (rumor has it my brother had coffee with him). But I am a bit sad to realize that I will never be able to write quite like him. Then I buck up and realize that you guys are still here so I must be doing something right.

Seriously though. If you like my style at all, read his book. If you don't like my blog, read his book.

You have a booger hanging out of your nose.

If you just touched your nose, read his book!

Emma! Shanna and I are having a LOT of fun with her. The guys at the manor will attest and I am hoping that someone will let me know when new pictures of her have been posted. I just received a package of Ethernet cables today and I will be setting up my home network. I have a lot of hard drive space now so I can get to work setting up some videos of Emma. Soon you guys will be able to see her in action. She is clapping her hands now and she is singing along to certain song such as her favorite, Old McDonald. She is still reluctant to walk on her own since crawling is so much quicker (and safer) but she did take a couple steps today on her own. She looks like Frankenstein stumbling around! She has figured out how to turn off the TV and we were having fun playing wait til dad turns on the TV to watch it and then turn it off. If only I could get her to turn it on for me I would be set. I can handle the turning it off part. She watches Sesame Street with me for about 15 minutes each day. She seems to get bored after that. Her favorites right now are Cookie Monster, Oscar the Grouch and Big Bird. I think it is because they are the biggest, brightest, and most animated of all the characters she has seen. She seems bored with Bert and Ernie and the Count. Sad because I am partial to them.

Funny how it has only been this last month that Emma hit the point where she has spent more time in the world than in the womb. Pregnancy seems so far away and I think we are closer to the next pregnancy than the last one (DON'T get your hopes up, get excited, or spread rumors as we still have no plans for that sort of thing yet). My point is that we have only had Emma for 10 months. 2 of which I wasn't working or participating in her life all that much. That leaves me with a short span of just over half a year with her and yet I can't even imagine my life without her. In fact I can barely remember it that way. I think the biggest change, and this has much to do with the way Shanna and I have arranged our work schedules, is the loss of personal time. Alone time does not exist. It's possible but I have to trade sleep for it. I wake up to Emma every morning and I love it. Sometimes I roll over and beg for another 10 minutes but I always go upstairs and get her. The really odd thing here is that no matter how little sleep I am operating on I am never mad. Never upset at her. This isn't just me trying to be a good dad either. That kid has honestly changed me. I still get mad at people, just not her. Not yet anyway. It is hard too get upset with her waking me up because I really make her morning by opening her door and letting her know I love her and I am there to take her out of the crib and give her a bottle. We play til I go to work. When I come home Shanna and Emma are asleep. If I want to do anything by myself it has to be done between 12-3AM. Sometimes I can do stuff during Emma's nap but you never know how long that will be and I like to nap then since I have usually been up the night before. I need to work on my patience with other people (my uncle says the problem with being above average is at least 50% of the people you encounter are dumber than you and I think that is part of my problem) but this kid is helping out with that a lot. Some dork once said that everything he really needed to know he learned in kindergarten. I learned three things in kindergarten:How to flick pencils off of a desk, the barrel of monkeys isn't as much fun as you think it is, and remember to bring your mom on field trips cuz she might be able to save someones life but don't let her drive because she might close the car door on your teacher's fingers. As insightful as all this might seem I have never put any of it to good use, except for the pencil thing. I am however learning an awful lot from a little girl who is a long ways from kindergarten.

A couple months ago the local radio station played the new strokes album in its entirety. I happened to catch the single as well as a song called 15 minutes which I think is one of the worst songs ever. If you can even call it a song. There isn't any direction and by the time you hit 2 minutes you actually feel like you have been listening for 15 minutes. Images of sitting through a drunken distant cousin who isn't really involved in the family singing bad karaoke at a wedding spring into my head no matter how hard I try to beat them out. This had a lot to do with why I downloaded the album and it is why I think radio stations do a disservice to bands by "breaking" albums early. The station played the album 2 months before it was released. This does help build excitement but it also lets downloaders know that it is available to be downloaded. I am sure that the amount of people who download an album, decide they like it, and go buy are a minuscule percentage of the total amount of those who download it. If I had never heard that horrible song I would have just gone out and picked up the CD on the day of its release as I did with the previous album. In truth I wouldn't have because I felt the single from this album was much weaker than 12:51 and we aren't in a financial position to buy Cd's every week but that is what my normal behavior would have been. Overall I like this album but I doubt I will ever buy it. Why? Because I have it. Because i don't like it as much as the last one. Because I have already listened to it and passed on it. Even before I downloaded it I think I have subconsciously passed. Getting stuff for free cheapens it. You may use a stolen hammer as much as a purchased one but media is consumed and thrown aside for the next new thing. When you go out and buy a game, CD, or movie you want it to be good. No one wants to spend $15-20 on a CD that will become a coaster. When I buy an album off the strength of a single I will give the entire album a couple listens before I admit that I picked up a bomb. I can honestly say that I only have one or two albums in my library of over 300(an embarrassing waste of money I know) purchased albums that I have never been able to get into. Most of the time when the single is significantly better than the rest of the album I am still able to enjoy the album as a whole because I am willing to give the songs time to grow. I give the artist a piece of my soul and a bit of my time and they touch me in a way that a cursory listen can't . Hum is a great example. Stars is still one of my favorite songs ever but the album as a whole is much weaker than the song. If you are willing to listen to it a couple times you will realize that a lot of layers exist on that album and that it really is pretty deep. When I download something I haven't invested anything in the artist. If it isn't what I want, which is usually just the single, then I can pass on it with no loss.

I should point out that I also got my hands on the Stubbs soundtrack. I did this because I looked around and didn't see a way to get it without laying down 60 for a special edition of stubbs. The album is a cool idea but not as fun or interesting as I had hoped. If I had bought either of these maybe I would feel different.

One final note as I bring this whole downloading thing to a close. Movie studios are freaking out because people are going to the movies less and less these days. 2006 will probably be weak as well and the ticket sales will continue to dwindle. The primary market which is noticeably shrinking the most is young males. I'll bet this is the demographic which makes up the largest portion of movie downloaders. Interesting. On the upside studios are aiming more films at couples out on dates and families. Two groups I find myself in more and more these days.

Software is by far the most interesting when it comes to piracy. Downloading applications is definitely wrong and much like digital entertainment only benefits the copyright violator. Lets face it, we all pay extra to make up for what people steal. Like I said if it is worth stealing it is worth buying. You hate Microsoft. We all do. I run Windows on my PC(a legal copy BTW). If you hate them I'll bet it is because you use their products. So pay them. You aren't sticking it to them buy stealing, you are just raising the prices for the rest of us and I hope you get caught. There is a major twist when it comes to authoring software. I would argue that the distribution or illegal downloading of this type of software helps certain industries. As you know I am a big fan of Adobe(Macromedia) Flash. I do have a legal copy. I didn't learn on one though even though they make a 30 day trial available free. I frequent a lot of Flash sites whose forums are full of skilled and knowledgeable Flash amateurs and enthusiasts. Most of them are young. As low as 12 but I'll bet most of them are between 16 and 30. I am gonna go out on a limb here and bet that most of these guys didn't go out and plunk down $999 for a full legal copy. The Flash player now ships installed on all Windows PCs and Macromedia claims that 98% of desktop computers worldwide can view Flash media over the net. That is pretty amazing. I am positive that getting Flash into the hands of these enthusiasts helped move the software along in a major way. There are amateur Flash cartoon and game sites up all over. This gets the software in the hands of those who will someday make money with it. When they want to do this they buy a copy. This helps Macromedia stay in business and helps spread the gospel of Flash. To reiterate, free distribution of software is, for the most part bad. But when it is authoring software it can have a positive outcome. I should note that most companies do offer free or greatly reduced (around 70%) educational versions of their software. Alias, Macromedia, Autodesk(3ds Max), and Adobe offer either learning versions or free trials.

One more post on this subject still to come. You will find out what I downloaded. I think.

As I said earlier I didn't realize just how big a problem this has become till I was looking at what is available. I have been seeing ads before movies on DVD about downloading movies being illegal. I always thought it was stupid because downloading movies is a waste. They are usually pretty poor quality and it takes 2-3 days. The only cool thing is you get to see movies while they are still in the theatres but it is usually a crappy tape someone made by sneaking a video camera into the theatre. Not my thing. Now people can rip DVDs right onto their computer which you can download and burn for use on your DVD player 5.1 Dolby and all. It is wrong and stupid to do this with movies when you consider you can rent or buy them for so cheap. These people are probably stealing money from the movie industry but I doubt it is very substantial yet. Movie people will say it is but remember that these are crimes of opportunity and just because someone can get something for free doesn't mean they would pay for it. It is still stealing but it isn't quite the same as stealing off a shelf where there is inventory involved.

I illegally downloaded a CD. I know. I know. Bad Garrett. Actually I haven't been able to listen to it without stressing a bit. It's all a bit to Tell Tale Heart for me. Back in school when I would download songs it didn't seem like it was such a big deal. I always figured that the Music Industry was freaking out over nothing. Let me tell you there is a HUGE difference between now and then. It was still wrong but back in the Napster days it was literally just college kids file swapping. You could do it from home but with dial-up you were looking at 5-10 minutes for one song. That meant over one hour for a whole CD. Remember, back then you couldn't use the phone if you were on the internet. Now, with high speed connections popping up everywhere, EVERYTHING is available. Any movie, TV show, Application, Game, Book, if you can think it you can download it. I even saw copies of the Amazing Spiderman from the 60s. Pretty cool for people who want to read those old comics but can't afford or find the originals.

The problem with all this stuff is that it is illegal. I will admit that what I was doing in college was probably wrong but there were some bands that were ok with it. I wasn't into downloading albums. Face it, If it is good enough to steal it is good enough to pay for. I would buy CDs. I downloaded the stuff I couldn't buy. Live performances, and really rare or unreleased demos and B-Sides. I can't even think of a single album I obtained illegally until yesterday. Don't get me wrong I have TONS of mp3 discs laying around but I subscribed to an online music service for over a year so a lot of my collections is legal. Sometimes a buddy would show up with a disc for me and a "you gotta hear this!" If he had shown up at my door with a million bucks, or even a TV, I would questions it but a CD I just accepted. Honestly I guess that is probably wrong too but I never thought about it til now.

So where am I going with all this? Stay tuned and Ill post more tomorrow.